Erika Kirk described her first year without her husband, conservative activist Charlie Kirk, as a series of emotional waves, saying advice from Second Lady Usha Vance helped her navigate life with their two young children.

In a New York Times essay published Monday, three days before the anniversary of Charlie Kirk’s death, Erika Kirk recalled returning to the couple’s Phoenix home and confronting the belongings, routines and memories left behind after his death.

“I don't know how I'm going to do this,” she recalled telling Usha Vance.

According to Erika Kirk, Vance compared grief to a difficult airplane ride with young children, telling her to focus on getting through the next 15 minutes rather than trying to imagine how she would manage everything ahead.

Erika Kirk wrote that she initially avoided the couple’s bedroom because of the memories it contained. Holidays, birthdays and family traditions also brought reminders of her husband as she continued raising their children.

Over time, she said, the grief became more familiar, even though it remained painful.

“The wave still comes, but it's different now,” she wrote. “A year ago, when I felt it coming over me, I wondered whether it would swallow me completely. Now, I recognize it; sometimes I even welcome it, because for a moment the grief makes Charlie feel impossibly close.”

Charlie Kirk, 31, was fatally shot on Sept. 10, 2025, while speaking at an outdoor event at Utah Valley University in Orem, Utah. He co-founded Turning Point USA, which Erika Kirk later took over as CEO.

Her reflections come as the criminal case against Tyler Robinson, 23, moves toward trial. A Utah judge ruled Sept. 1 that Robinson must stand trial on aggravated murder and other charges. Robinson has pleaded not guilty. Prosecutors are seeking the death penalty and allege that Robinson fired from a rooftop more than 400 feet away into a crowd of thousands. Defense attorneys have challenged whether the evidence supports the aggravating circumstance needed for capital punishment.

Erika Kirk also wrote about the role of her Christian faith in coping with the loss, saying, “I can stand and say without a shadow of a doubt that God is good.”

At Charlie Kirk’s memorial service last September, Erika publicly forgave his accused killer and pledged to continue the work of Turning Point USA.

She concluded her essay by passing along the advice she received from Vance to others experiencing profound loss: “Just get through the next 15 minutes.”